Goodbye, only evidence tying me to my ex-wife’s disappearance

4 notes

Now full disclosure, I lost your ring at a BoDeans concert, so I’m going to shove this hilarious pencil topper up there.

Get a haircut, or I’m going to shove you up a black guy’s nose!

Very well, you leave me no choice then

5 notes

"Boy if I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked to reverse one of my procedures, my bitch ex-wife would be a millionaire….

May she rest in peace.”

3 notes

"You know what else is from the 70’s?"

"Women staying quiet."

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"They don’t tell you this until after you’ve paid for medical school, but being a doctor is exactly like the game operation."

11 notes

"You know what else is from the 70’s?

Women staying quiet.”

3 notes

"It’s funny…if those teeth were in your vagina, you’d be considered a monster"

3 notes